🔗 Share this article Those Advice from My Dad Which Rescued Us as a New Parent "I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months." One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father. Yet the reality rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations. Life-threatening health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo. "I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan shared. After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone. The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You need support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering. His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through. Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider failure to communicate among men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of manhood. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave." "It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time. They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook. He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her. 'Parenting yourself That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood. He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures. Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices. The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old. When he was young Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection. Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish. "You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse." Tips for Managing as a New Dad Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported. Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming. Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing. Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for years. As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive. When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way. Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children. "I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," states Stephen. "I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."
"I think I was merely in survival mode for twelve months." One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the difficulties of being a father. Yet the reality rapidly became "completely different" to his expectations. Life-threatening health issues during the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their infant son Leo. "I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan shared. After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his parent, on a public seat, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone. The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You need support. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering. His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While people is now more comfortable discussing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers go through. Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance Ryan feels his struggles are linked to a wider failure to communicate among men, who still hold onto damaging perceptions of manhood. Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave." "It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I failed to do that quick enough," he clarifies. Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time. They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the family. Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - taking a short trip abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook. He realised he required a shift to consider his and his partner's feelings as well as the practical tasks of looking after a new baby. When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and listening to her. 'Parenting yourself That realisation has changed how Ryan views parenthood. He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures. Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices. The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old. When he was young Stephen was without reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, deep-held emotional pain resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection. Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to change how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish. "You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he says. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse." Tips for Managing as a New Dad Share with someone - when you are under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported. Remember your hobbies - make time for the activities that made you feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming. Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and if you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mind is doing. Spend time with other parents in the same boat - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things. Understand that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones. When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for years. As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive. When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way. Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children. "I am now more capable of… processing things and handling things," states Stephen. "I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."